Thursday, December 16, 2010

When you forget your first love...

Some days are such a battle where you just compare yourself to everyone. You look across that room and its so easy to feel worthless, its so easy to be in a situation where you feel like you can't handle it and you wish you were like someone else.Its really easy to get lost in your own thoughts about how you should be, to get lost in your own self righteousness - in the sense that you feel that people ought to tell you "well done". You continue along that road waiting for someone to give you approval and you live for it. How it satisfies your heart for about two seconds as you hear your name in a sentence of approval. Your heart lives for it. 

My heart lives for it. I live a life of wanting approval from everyone. Believe me I want to be the best staff worker not because of Jesus, but because people think I am. I want people to think I am creative,intelligent, an amazing evangelist, theologian and apologist oh and also sociable and the best friend they have ever had. I want their approval and I will strive to get it until I am exhausted and crying. Believe me this will only end in tears and a broken heart. It will end in a breaking point where I am so worried about what people think of me and if they think I am doing a good job, that I only fix my eyes on this and my insides begin to rot, my heart becomes hard and my first love is no longer Jesus but myself and approval. I will become a very sick person.

You know what needs to be done? I have discovered two things:

1. Repent - if this is you...repent and believe. I need to pour my heart out before God and say I'm sorry and ask him to soften that hard heart... 

2. Remind yourself of the Gospel and your status- Oh we have a sweet sweet Gospel. And this is because of our sweet Jesus and how beautiful He is. Everything is about Him and we need to come back to our wonderful Jesus. Pray for our hearts to yearn for Him and love Him because He is worthy and He is love. And do you know what? Your status is in Christ and this is not trashing your character, but its bringing you into the best relationship you will ever have and you will be adopted as a son or daughter. God "lavishes" his Grace upon us (Ephesians 1:7-8). This isn't a sprinkle its a lavishing, its plentiful and its right there in your relationship with Christ. So come back to Him because He gives you a beautiful status that is never changing and your approval continues to be in Him and continues to be by Him. Come back to Christ as your first love and be reminded of the glorious riches of His Grace...this speaks straight to my heart, I need to come back to Christ and have Him as my first love.

How much better it is to truly know who you are in Christ and to love Him with your whole heart. No longer are you fighting for other people to tell you what you are worth, but Christ gives you your worth. Its wonderful to be a Christian, its wonderful to know Jesus and to be loved by Him and no longer needing approval from anyone.

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